The Good Thing About Church Conflict

Everyone in church is a member of one big happy family, right?

Church veterans know this isn’t true. Church conflict happens. And it’s a good thing, too. Generally, people fight about things that matter to them.

The Church goes to great lengths to hide conflict.

Church leaders begin by analyzing conflict. They look at the players (often excluding themselves) and classify them into “types.” This combatant is a “thinker.” The other is a “feeler.”

Oh, that explains it! Now the conflict should go away.

It doesn’t.

Then, the Church moves to Plan B. Ignore the conflict. Wait for it to go away. The Church is actually very good at Plan B. They often wait for decades.

The problem doesn’t go away.

The most important question to ask in church conflict is “Why do God-loving people care enough about an issue to fight?” Dig, dig, dig for the answer to this question.

Religion is about the hearts and souls of the faithful. When we invite people to join us in worship and community, we invite them with all their sensitivities. We ask them to live their faith and that means being willing to take a stand. Without this, every Christian may as well stay home.

When conflict erupts, embrace it. You have people who care. Look to their motivations. Why do they risk peace?  Why do they care to come to church and face unpleasantness? Why not stay home with the multitude of people who don’t care? (Counterproductive as this is, it is often the chosen remedy.)

It’s your turn to care. Care about the people involved in the conflict. Caring will motivate leaders to ask the right questions. Listening to answers increases their knowledge of their community, and they are better able to serve. Conflict serves a purpose!

Caring is more important than resolving the conflict. In the end, caring will resolve the conflict.