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Church Hospitality

Adult Object Lesson: Luke 14:1,7-14, Hebrews 13:1-8,15-16

candy dishThe Importance of Hospitality

Today’s object is a bowl of candy—mixed hard candies would be good.

Early in the service, (not close to communion), invite your congregation to come forward and choose a piece of candy. Engage them in conversation as they do. Comment on their choices or perhaps their reluctance to choose. Suggest what you might like. Respond when they say thank you. Someone might ask for two. Allow them. Share a story about the candy. Make sure everyone is satisfied.

You can just ask everyone to file forward or you can be creative and ask certain people to choose first. Just make whatever you do complement your message.

Use the experience to talk about hospitality.

Hospitality is the common theme of today’s lessons. In the Gospel, Jesus refers to the accepted protocol of honoring guests. Hebrews commends the practice of hospitality. Proverbs teaches the recipients of hospitality a lesson in grace.

As your congregation returns to their seats to enjoy their treat, talk to them about hospitality in today’s world and in ancient Israel.

Life was a bit different then. Travel could be dangerous and unpredictable. A crippled beast of burden, lack of water, an unexpected illness or accident, sudden changes in the weather—all could be life-threatening. Hospitality was expected.

But there is another reason for hospitality. It was entertaining. There were no newspapers, radios, or TVs. People worked at home and traveled rarely. The sight of a stranger on the horizon meant an evening of good conversation, news from far away. Perhaps they would be carrying exotic things.

There was something in it for everyone.

Ask your congregation what hospitality means to them today and how they might feel if a stranger knocked on their door expecting a meal and lodging.

Meals are a common setting in scripture, culminating in the ritual that commemorates the Last Supper and Jesus’ sacrifice.

Talk about what Jesus and the disciples learned around the dinner or banquet table, preaching on the hills of Galilee, and after the Resurrection—when Jesus shares a meal in Emmaus and cooks fish on the shore as he waits for the disciples to anchor their fishing boat. Remind them of meals with tax collectors, the wedding feast in Cana, the visits with his friends in Bethany, and the hospitality he enjoyed on occasion with richer friends.

Talk about your own meal experiences. The family dinner (or the parish dinner) is where we learn to work together. The home table is where we learn manners and to carry a conversation. We learn how to treat guests. The church can be a place to learn these things, too.

There is a scene in the classic movie, To Kill a Mockingbird, where the Finch Family sits down to eat together. A young friend of Scout’s, a boy from less fortunate circumstances, is invited to join them. The boy is overwhelmed by the feast put before him. Scout responds in critical amazement as he pours a pitcher of syrup over his food. She is stopped by her father and the housekeeper and deeply embarrassed.

A similar scene might be repeated in our families as our children learn how to treat guests.

  • How do we treat the strangers in our midst? Are they made truly welcome? Truly valued? Truly equal at the table? At the Eucharist?
  • Do we engage them in conversation, eager for news from other places? Do we make our church homes places they will feel comfortable returning to?
  • Do we seek only members who can contribute or who are like us? Do we welcome those who cannot contribute in the ways we expect?
  • What might we learn from our visitors?

Hospitality must be modeled. You just did this with you candy exercise!

In practicing hospitality we are modeling godly behavior. Are we doing a good job?

photo credit: Bill on Capitol Hill via photopin cc
26 Aug 2013

Teaching Hospitality in the Modern Church

It’s Got to Be Carefully Taught

Hospitality is a theme of today’s lectionary texts, most notably the story of how Jesus was welcomed by Mary and Martha and how Sarah and Abraham welcomed the three mystical guests in the desert.

There were rules for hospitality in Bible days. Life was more precarious. Failure to welcome a traveler in the desert was to risk the stranger’s life.

There was a time when our society had a code of etiquette that included hospitality. Although etiquette and hospitality are different, the two become intertwined and so sometimes we think that because we are not impolite that we are hospitable.

Hospitality is an evangelism skill set that needs to be taught and nurtured, especially among our young.

We’ve spent the last generation teaching our children to be wary of strangers and that translates into how they have learned to welcome strangers who enter our churches.

In many cases our young people, now adults, have learned the lesson. Don’t talk to strangers.

Hospitality must be modeled.

Church leaders—clergy, staff, elected representatives—must be trained in hospitality and actively model a welcoming attitude every time the church doors are open and whenever they talk about their church with others. Always end a conversation with an invitation.

I learned this from watching my father who was a career pastor. He’d encounter someone on the street or in a store who might have been absent from church life for a long time.

He’d greet them warmly.

“Hi, George. How are things with you? We missed you at the midweek service last Wednesday (whatever the most recent event had been).”

The response was always the same.

“You missed me on Wednesday? I haven’t been in church for five years.”

“We missed you all the same. I hope we’ll see you next Sunday.”

Hospitality must be taught.

This can easily be done through the vehicle of the children’s sermon. The adults will be listening. Teach the children to introduce themselves and to shake hands with one another, with the congregation, and with visitors.

Many people don’t greet visitors because they don’t know what to say.  Teach the children some scripts. They will come in handy for everyone.

Welcome. Is this your first visit to [name your church]?

Are you visiting or do you live near by?

These two questions are enough to get a basic conversation started. Assure people that the answers to these questions will spark the next questions.

 What’s your work?

Do you have family in the area?

Is there anything I/we can do for you?

Tell us about your family, church or concerns.

The problem with hospitality is that most churches think they are very welcoming. The sign out front says welcome. The bulletin says welcome. They gave you a seat in a pew. They passed you the peace during the liturgy. That’s enough.

Our Ambassadors have visited 66 local churches. We frequently come and go without a single word.

It’s easy to remember the churches that welcomed us with conversation, with offers of help during the service, or with an invitation. There aren’t that many!

18 Jul 2013

Lay Leaders May Save the Mainline Church

Today’s post in the Alban Institute’s Roundtable is a fascinating study on a topic important to today’s Church—the role of lay leadership.

The article is an excerpt from a book, Scattering Seeds: Cultivating Church Vitality, by Stephen Chapin Garner (a pastor) with Jerry Thornell (a lay member).

The post begins with their New England congregation’s realization that professional leadership is an endangered commodity. Fewer young people are entering seminary. The number of second career pastors cannot keep up with the demand that is looming with coming retirements.

They answered the challenge by intentionally developing stronger lay leadership. The church grew. An unexpected result—their congregation sent seven members to seminary.

The authors talk about how the familiar visioning process never could have led them in the direction that ended up increasing their membership and helping to solve a denominational problem as well.

It all sounds familiar to 2×2. We found ourselves forced by a number of factors to rely on lay leadership. Had we relied solely on the recommended process of visioning and drafting a mission statement, we would probably still be holding special meetings to change a comma here or there.

Instead, we went to work. We addressed immediate needs and challenges. We prayed — a lot! We returned to the basics — making sure there was a quality worship experience, good preaching and hospitality. We took a few chances.

We relied on the talents of our members. When we were doing the work, we were more inclined to be invitational.

We gave ourselves room to grow. We cultivated a nonjudgmental atmosphere, allowing mistakes so that we could all learn together. We stretched. We maintained good relationships with supply pastors but were soon able to get by with minimal clergy.

The answer to congregational growth in challenging economic times may be in nurturing the laity — not in expensive hierarchical fixes.

30 Jan 2012

New Year’s Resolutions for the Hospitable Church

As a people, Americans have become suspicious and xenophobic. We live in a world that recommends background checks and fosters credit checks for simplest of reasons. These attitutudes are bound to manifest in church life.

But church life should be different. We should be welcoming the people with spotty backgrounds. Christ died for them! The least we can do is welcome them into His church!

Most churches describe themselves as friendly. Some church web sites describe themselves as “truly friendly.” Many churches post a generic sign “All Welcome.”

Friendliness, however, is a beauty that can only be measured by the eye of the beholder. If visitors to your church leave feeling they were wallflowers, observers of friendliness, it is not hospitality.

Redeemer Ambassadors visited 38 churches in the last 18 months. We have experience as recipients of church hospitality. We think this is an area of church life that needs to be addressed.

Hospitality, once part of the fabric of American life, no longer seems to come naturally. It may have to be taught and nurtured. Even pastors, whom we presume received training in evangelism, seem to be awkward in greeting church visitors.

Some churches have assigned “greeters.” But the gauntlet of greeters characteristically do little more than hand you a bulletin. We suspect that visitors are rare in some congregations and that leads to a bit of rustiness.

In several of the churches we visited, the pastor disappeared after the service and did not greet people at the door. At times the pastor was present in the fellowship area but stood along the wall and waited for people to come to him/her.

While some pastors pointed us to guest books to sign, most never introduced themselves to us or asked our names. After 38 visits, only one pastor followed up with a phone call after our visit. Another returned a call when one of our ambassadors called him.

Some churches seemed to have fellowship going on somewhere else in the building. The congregation disappeared quickly after worship, failing to invite us to join. In many cases, people walked by in the narthex and never made eye contact. In one instance, when we approached them and asked a simple question such as the location of a restroom, they responded, “Oh, we thought you knew someone here” or “We thought you were here for the baptism.” Assumptions block hospitality.

The number of churches/pastors who exhibited true hospitality are so few as to be memorable to us. We suspect that if others were greeted the way we were in these churches that they would return. Here are a few efforts we remember and appreciated as visitors:

  • When a pastor personally invited us to fellowship, accompanied us and introduced us to a few people (one church visit).
  • When a pastor asked if he could meet with us sometime during the week (one church visit).
  • When a member took the time to give us a tour of their church and told us something of their history (three church visits).
  • When a lay member sent us a handwritten thank you note for our visit (one church visit).
  • When a member sat next to us and pointed things out in the bulletin (one church visit).
  • When we left knowing at least one member’s name (a few times).
  • When members of a church offered to help us (more than just pray) and followed through (three church visits).
  • When a member engaged us in extensive conversation that was about us as much as about them (six visits).
  • When congregation members prompted the worship leader to introduce visitors (two visits).
  • When a pastor asked us to join their congregation (one church visit).

Here are four easy resolutions your church can make in 2012 to become a more welcoming, hospitable church:

  • Make sure each visitor knows the name of at least one church member before they leave.
  • Make sure each visitor is addressed by name before they leave.
  • Make sure each visitor receives a direct and specific invitation to a church activity. It can be next week’s worship or some other event. Most people report that they became involved in a congregation because someone invited them! 
  • Contact your visitor within five days of their visit with a phone call or greeting card. Make it as personal as possible.
29 Dec 2011

Nurturing the Gift of Hospitality in Young Christians

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Mark 10:13-15

Our Ambassador visits reveal a remarkable variety of approaches to what seems to be the simple task of welcoming. Some assign the task to official greeters; others let the pastor handle it. Some ask visitors to introduce themselves; some point you to the guest book. Some church members wear name tags. Some offer coffee and sweets; others offer a meal.

There is a sense that this can be a challenge to congregations, especially when visitors have been rare for a while. While our Ambassadors cannot claim that they ever have been made to feel unwelcome, there are some churches who have honed their greeting skills a bit more than others.

We suspect one of the congregations we visited was conscious that this might be a weak point in their ministry. The bulletin included a prayer petition that their congregation “may learn the hospitality of Scripture and welcome our friends, family and guests with it.” Interestingly, while the congregation was entirely pleasant in passing the peace and saying hello, not a soul introduced themselves–not even the pastor. In contrast, on another visit to a church where the pastor was away, we were greeted first on the sidewalk and by virtually every person who walked into the sanctuary. We were even offered a tour after the service. We knew the names of several members before worship began. Their liturgy included a moment early in the service for welcoming. Hospitality clearly had been modeled and engrained in this community for some time.

As in much of church work there is a temptation to create a program for encouraging hospitality. It should be as simple as modeling good habits. Start with the children!

Redeemer Lutheran in the East Falls neighborhood of Philadelphia, had a strong ministry to East African immigrants. Upon entering the home of one of our immigrant families, every family member comes to the door and shakes your hand. It was not surprising to see even the youngest children practicing this skill in church. It gave them a confidence that grew and soon translated into other skills.

This custom, brought to us from a foreign land, flies in the face of America’s best parenting practices.
We teach our children “don’t talk to strangers.” Adults tend to model what they teach their children. Our children can grow into adults who are afraid to reach out to shake hands and say the simplest words of introduction, “Hello. Welcome to our church. I am Tom. What is your name?”

This simple script is a recipe for teaching the fundamentals of hospitality. Begin to teach your congregation welcoming skills by teaching this script to your children.

  • Give a children’s sermon on “welcoming.” There are many scriptures to use as a foundation, including the “Suffer the little children” passage quoted above from the NIV translation.
  • As an exercise, ask the children to shake one another’s hands and follow the script. Allow enough time for them to get over the awkward giggles.
  • When they have greeted every child. Ask them to walk down the aisle and practice it with adults. Ask older children to walk beside them to help them.
  • Ask the adults to turn to the person next to them and practice.
  • Repeat as needed.

Give the congregation the assignment of doing this every week with every visitor. Make sure they see church leaders practicing what they preach! If visitors are rare, practice on the people you know. Be ready to greet the first new face!

14 Dec 2011