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December 2011

When Controversy Challenges the Meeting Process

This post is in response to the Alban Weekly Roundtable discussion on handling church controversy in meeting sessions.

Congregational meetings go awry for reasons.
• There are power issues.
• People feel that their interests are not being considered
• Communities have a sense that outside forces or hidden agendas are manipulating the outcome.

Conversely, meetings go well when people feel that what they have to say matters.

Meetings are necessary and most constitutions require them. But the constitutions do not preclude working on the issues before or after the meetings in talks with individuals with known interests in the outcome. That’s where true leadership can shine, but it requires time and energy.

Too often in church settings, professional leaders or congregational faction leaders want to dictate the outcome and use “meetings” to force their way. Voting becomes a weapon. The best organized is likely to win with voters who haven’t been seen in church for years suddenly populating the pews, prepared to raise their hands before leaving, perhaps to never return until their vote is needed again. Then the quorum and membership rules are dusted off and one issue becomes dozens of issues.

There are problems in calling for votes on sensitive matters prematurely. The outcome creates “winners” and “losers” and is rarely constructive. The ultimate goal is not to win but to find a solution that will move ministry forward, hopefully without losing a third of your members.

Outside moderators can be a disaster. They can arrive with the denomination’s interests as their agenda. At one such meeting the denominationally appointed moderator announced that the very issues the people desperately needed to address were not open to discussion. He then proceeded to dictate to the assembled congregation what they should do.

Attempting to side-step controversy is a terrible idea.

There are two (at least) alternatives for calling for “the vote” — neither of them without challenges.

Compromise
Compromises are solutions only if each side gains something they want and loses something they want. Too often compromises are proposed in a series of meetings that are nothing more than steps toward getting one side to make concessions to the other. After three or four meetings, the prevailing side has everything they want and the losers are left feeling that they have been slowly and methodically fleeced.

Consensus
Asking the group to agree to work toward consensus can be helpful. This assures the minority (who are sometimes right) will be heard. When you begin the discussion by promising that no decision will be made without full approval of the entire body, people who really want their side to prevail will do more than “get out the vote.” They will know they have to work toward achieving their goals with consideration for others. Working toward consensus is a commitment. Used over time on smaller decisions, it can become a healthy habit for a congregation and contentious meetings will be few and very far between.

It also helps to remind people of the ultimate reason for being a Christian community.

On one very challenging day, the disgruntled had gathered and were chafing at the bit for an opportunity to expound. Each side was loaded for bear and it was not difficult to identify the opposing factions. The meeting leader handed out hymnals and asked the group to choose a hymn. One member shouted “Everyone turn to the funeral section.” But then an amazing peace fell on the group. They began discussing their favorite hymns. Eventually the group chose two or three which were all sung a capella.

The atmosphere in the room shifted. They were able to work together to choose hymns and a few minutes later they were able to work together to resolve the serious issues facing the group. The moderator had made it clear that each person mattered and the ultimate goal was the glory of God.

Meetings are important. It is best to do a lot of groundwork before the meeting. Visitation and private talks can calm things down and affirm each member that they are not being railroaded. They can have a say without a public demonstration.

And there is work to be done after the meeting as well. Promises made in reaching a decision must be kept. Any “losers” must be visited and reminded that their views are still important and they can continue as valued contributors.

Yes, it is work — but not more work than healing the wounds of a meeting gone bad.

19 Dec 2011

SEPA-ELCA Rethinks Its Attitude Toward East Falls Ministry

  • “Ministry in East Falls is not good use of the Lord’s money.”
  • “A church with no parking lot has no chance of survival.”
  • “Mission outreach? You’re not allowed to do mission outreach.”
  • “White Redeemer must be allowed to die. Black Redeemer . . . we can put them anywhere.”
  • “There are no ministers for you.”

These are quotes from SEPA leadership regarding Redeemer in the last 15 years. Apparently the Southeastern Pennsylvania Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America is changing its attitudes and platitudes. They have hinted a new ministry is about to begin to the people of East Falls (while they are still pursuing the people who sacrificed for the old ministry in court).

Are they admitting they were wrong all along!? The Lord’s money (provided by the people of East Falls) can be well spent in East Falls?

Are they really planning a new ministry for this neighborhood which they have bullied and abused for nearly two decades? Or . . . is this a pre-election move to satisfy those voting for bishop in 2012 that SEPA’s motives in East Falls were part of a well-planned strategy with God’s Love at its core?

Will SEPA suddenly stop suing East Falls Lutherans and welcome them back into their church? Or will the “new ministry” in East Falls welcome only new and better Christians who have no baggage in life — and therefore little need of a church?

Will this new church in East Falls be the only Lutheran Church that does not own its property and is totally managed by outsiders? Will this new community of Christians be divided from the outset by those “allowed” to serve as leaders and those who, by virtue of being part of Redeemer in the past, will be banned from full participation. This (which has no constitutional foundation in Lutheranism) is precisely what SEPA recommended in court.

Is SEPA a reconciling denomination? Time will tell.

Today’s scheduled “Clean Out” of Redeemer Lutheran Church, announced as a preparation for a new ministry to this neighborhood, did not draw a crowd. We counted three or four adults and a couple of youth. By noon they had mostly carried armfuls of items and placed them in the trunks of their cars. Hmmm. If these items are worth saving, shouldn’t they be saved for the newer and better Lutheran Church planned by the Synod?

We’ve already watched as other things were carried from Redeemer. Ten folding chairs were placed in someone’s hatchback. Four cartons of records went into another car. The neighborhood reports.

The items they were salvaging from the people of Redeemer this morning included boxes and books and kitchen items and such treasures as Christmas stockings. Some hopeful Lutheran children, eyes bright with Christmas excitement, may receive a gift of four-year-old candy courtesy of the people of Redeemer.

Meanwhile Redeemer, “closed” by a constitutionally questionable edict, plans a Whoville Party to celebrate the third year SEPA has locked the neighborhood out of God’s House on Christmas Eve.

What did the Grinch do? He cleaned out Whoville just before Christmas. Yes, Virginia, there is a Grinch!

17 Dec 2011

Nurturing the Gift of Hospitality in Young Christians

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Mark 10:13-15

Our Ambassador visits reveal a remarkable variety of approaches to what seems to be the simple task of welcoming. Some assign the task to official greeters; others let the pastor handle it. Some ask visitors to introduce themselves; some point you to the guest book. Some church members wear name tags. Some offer coffee and sweets; others offer a meal.

There is a sense that this can be a challenge to congregations, especially when visitors have been rare for a while. While our Ambassadors cannot claim that they ever have been made to feel unwelcome, there are some churches who have honed their greeting skills a bit more than others.

We suspect one of the congregations we visited was conscious that this might be a weak point in their ministry. The bulletin included a prayer petition that their congregation “may learn the hospitality of Scripture and welcome our friends, family and guests with it.” Interestingly, while the congregation was entirely pleasant in passing the peace and saying hello, not a soul introduced themselves–not even the pastor. In contrast, on another visit to a church where the pastor was away, we were greeted first on the sidewalk and by virtually every person who walked into the sanctuary. We were even offered a tour after the service. We knew the names of several members before worship began. Their liturgy included a moment early in the service for welcoming. Hospitality clearly had been modeled and engrained in this community for some time.

As in much of church work there is a temptation to create a program for encouraging hospitality. It should be as simple as modeling good habits. Start with the children!

Redeemer Lutheran in the East Falls neighborhood of Philadelphia, had a strong ministry to East African immigrants. Upon entering the home of one of our immigrant families, every family member comes to the door and shakes your hand. It was not surprising to see even the youngest children practicing this skill in church. It gave them a confidence that grew and soon translated into other skills.

This custom, brought to us from a foreign land, flies in the face of America’s best parenting practices.
We teach our children “don’t talk to strangers.” Adults tend to model what they teach their children. Our children can grow into adults who are afraid to reach out to shake hands and say the simplest words of introduction, “Hello. Welcome to our church. I am Tom. What is your name?”

This simple script is a recipe for teaching the fundamentals of hospitality. Begin to teach your congregation welcoming skills by teaching this script to your children.

  • Give a children’s sermon on “welcoming.” There are many scriptures to use as a foundation, including the “Suffer the little children” passage quoted above from the NIV translation.
  • As an exercise, ask the children to shake one another’s hands and follow the script. Allow enough time for them to get over the awkward giggles.
  • When they have greeted every child. Ask them to walk down the aisle and practice it with adults. Ask older children to walk beside them to help them.
  • Ask the adults to turn to the person next to them and practice.
  • Repeat as needed.

Give the congregation the assignment of doing this every week with every visitor. Make sure they see church leaders practicing what they preach! If visitors are rare, practice on the people you know. Be ready to greet the first new face!

14 Dec 2011

Redeemer Ambassadors Visit St. Paul’s, Lansdowne

We’ve been traveling far lately but we decided to make our 36th church visit a bit closer to home. St. Paul’s is in the neighborhood of Lansdowne midway between two of our other recent visits– Upper Darby and Drexel Hill. Despite proximity, the three churches are very different, revealing the profound changes between neighboring communities. Attendance at St. Paul’s was similar to Upper Darby in number, but the smaller sanctuary felt fuller.

St. Paul’s web site noted that worship is led twice each month by a contemporary band, Covenant. We were fortunate to encounter one of these weeks. The band varied in size and participation throughout the service but had an accomplished pianist at its hub with drums, percussion, two clarinets, and a guitar, at least. There were about eight instrumental and voice leaders. They used mostly contemporary hymns. The well-known Advent hymn, O Come, O Come Emmanuel, was starkly beautiful as the band held back and the congregation’s voices carried the tune.

In general, the atmosphere of worship was well regulated to follow the drama of the worship readings and liturgy.

Twelve or more members stepped forward to sing an anthem in the Klezmer tradition. When Will Messiah Come? was well accompanied by the band’s clarinets. This is the largest choir we encountered in a small congregation and may have been as large as the choirs in the biggest congregations we have visited.

There was no fellowship time so there was little opportunity to interact with anyone. We nevertheless enjoyed our 36th congregational visit.

Updated Ambassadors Report.

13 Dec 2011

Teaching the Church Service

The Sunday School in America was once the backbone of a neighborhood’s church and social life. It was not unusual for people to “belong” and enroll in Sunday School and not bother joining the congregation. At one time they had their own set of officers and controlled their own offerings and budgets.

Sunday Schools had class structures that were graded for the children and often segmented in some manner for adults as well — grouped by decades or marriage status. They adopted names like The Loyal Mizpah or The Busy Bees and met socially at least once a month with the entire Sunday School coming together for a pot luck or picnic less frequently.

On Sunday mornings, classes met in their small groups and then joined together for a closing with a mini-worship service. That’s why so many churches have open stage areas with classrooms lining the perimeter. The form of “beehive” architecture met the function of the day. The structure was introducing and practicing the concepts of worship.

Those days are over. Sunday School’s are failing. Their budgets and governance were turned over to the church governing board. When they exist at all today, they are provided for the benefit of the very young.

Eventually, the church’s failure to educate will affect the entire life of the church.

“Eventually” may be now.

The attention and availability of children are torn by the structure of today’s society. They drift between the homes of Mom and Dad. Some have as many as eight grandparents to please, if you count the active “step” relationships. In addition, society no longer protects Sundays. Stores are open and young parents and teens are staffing them. Schools schedule events on weekends with no consideration for the increasingly diverse faith demands of their constituency. As one public school basketball coach told one of his students who protested a Sunday morning practice, “Prayer isn’t going to improve your jump shot, son.”

So what’s the Church to do. Let’s start by recognizing it’s our responsibility. We have to start teaching and the only way to begin may be during the church service.

That will require the Church Service to open the dialog a bit. Some pastors have begun to pose questions during their sermons and sit back to allow discussion. We experienced this in one of our Ambassador visits. An older woman sitting near us turned to explain, “He thinks we are discussing his sermon. We’re not!” Another added in an apologetic whisper, “He’s been here only a year. We don’t have him trained yet.”

Teaching during the service may require some retraining on many levels. A good place to start is within the framework of a children’s message. Congregations are more likely to accept some experimentation within this context.

Our Ambassadors have witnessed several approaches to a children’s message.

  • The fallback children’s sermon platform is the object lesson. An object is presented and the pastor ties it metaphorically to the message of the day. The younger the child, the less likely object lessons have much meaning. Children think more concretely.
  • Some pastors simply strip down the message they are about to give to the adults. These are often awkward and easily dominated by the enthusiasm of the children who are happy for the attention and a chance to participate, but haven’t a clue what the pastor is talking about.
  • Another approach is highly scripted and usually involves the use of puppets. The puppet sermons we have witnessed have been very well crafted and performed with a solid message, but they tend to lack any interaction with the children or congregation at all.
  • Sometimes a lay person presents the children’s message. It may be a parent or a school teacher accustomed to talking to children.
  • The children’s sermon is often no more than a short talk. Sometimes the gathered subgroup joins in prayer.
  • In about 80% of our visits, the children were dismissed from the rest of the service.

These tend to be the most common structures of a children’s message delivered within the structure of a church service. In our next few posts we will explore ideas for maximizing the teaching value of a children’s sermon and how to begin involving (and teaching) the adults.


13 Dec 2011

16 Traits of a Creative Church

Creative people are often not welcome in the church.

That may seem like a bold statement, but there is some truth in it. Creative people insist on change. The Church talks about wanting change, but it is often presented by people who are rather transparent in their real goals. They want the Church to change their way. They want the Church to be more secure financially. They want the congregation to give and get along.

If the formula is so simple, why are most churches in decline?

If Churches are to embrace change they must embrace creativity, and that is a rare commodity within the rigid framework that many churches have. In some of our Ambassador visits, we have encountered congregations that post in their bulletin or web sites a list of ways newcomers can contribute: sing in the choir, serve on a committee, join the altar guild, usher, read lessons, etc. That list can be a formidable barrier to thought leadership or creativity. There is a sense that people are pegs that fill the Church’s predrilled holes.

Today’s Church needs to explore the concept of “creativity” and the power (and change) that word can create.

Creative people solve problems. Often “creative” is used to describe talent. “John is a creative person. He plays the organ so well.” But what problems did John solve? It is indeed a blessing to have talented people. But creativity is something different. It’s an atmosphere . . a way of thinking. When creativity is nurtured, talented people come out of the woodwork! You might be surprised at the talent you didn’t dream was there!

Here are some traits to nurture in your creative congregation.

  1. Creative congregations are motivated by mission. It begins with a personal sense of mission and is later applied to a group’s sense of mission.
  2. Creative congregations foster prayer.  Prayer reminds us of Whom we serve and why we have a mission. Many opportunities should be provided for individual and community prayer.
  3. Creative congregations discourage labels.  If your Church has been exploring a problem for some time they have probably subconsciously labeled every aspect of the problem. “Those people are adversarial.” “The pastor won’t like this idea.” “Old members won’t go for it.” “The community is going to object.” “We don’t have people who can do that.” Get rid of the labels. Just stop it!
  4. Creative congregations challenge the advice of “experts.” Would the Church be facing such problems today if the “experts” had all the answers? Experts have some answers. However, experts can have their own agendas. They want to see their pet solutions put into place. Don’t ignore them — just don’t be afraid to challenge them. Creativity requires fresh thinking. If every problem is approached with a “must do” list, you will end up with the same solutions, proposed by the same experts.
  5. Creative congregations explore ideas. They ask the question “What if . . . ?”
  6. Creative congregations look for order in confusion. By sorting through a mess, you might find some treasures. By rearranging the chaos, you might find exciting connections between ideas.
  7. Creative congregations embrace serendipity. The unexpected can spark the change you are looking for. In church work, serendipity can walk through your door any Sunday. It can be a new person, a new community event, a new learning, a new pastor. Embracing serendipity can change the definition of success and failure. Make it a habit. So what if only three people showed up at your special event. What did you do with those three people that gave them something to talk about  the next day?
  8. Creative congregations are patient . . . to an extent. They know that the creative process takes time. They know the discipline required to work at it. As long as the process has direction, their people will exhibit patience. But if the process is stone-walled, they will leave. Water and watch creativity grow. Ignore and watch it wither.
  9. Creative congregations are tenacious. They will work hard at a project given an environment that allows them freedom to make a difference.
  10. Creative congregations network. Change requires fuel. Networking with other churches and neighborhood groups provides the opportunity to share objectives and ideas. This helps congregations find resources and ideas.
  11. Creative congregations are expressive. They are confident in their mission and are not afraid to say so — as individuals or as a group. Provide venues for members to express themselves. These might be within worship, a parish newsletter, or as part of discussion groups. Create a congregational blog!
  12. Creative congregations follow their instincts.  It may be the Holy Spirit nagging at you.
  13. Creative congregations are courageous. A truly creative congregation is going to be challenged. The Church must at times challenge hierarchical and societal policies. Congregations that have fostered creativity are best equipped to face such challenges.
  14. Creative congregations challenge naysayers. And there will be plenty of them.
  15. Creative congregations constantly reassess. They are not afraid to admit they are wrong. They try new ideas, assess progress and tweak with abandon. Failure to try will leave you with the same old church. Good ideas that may one day fulfill their promise will be abandoned too soon.
  16. Creative congregations are not afraid to have fun. People discover themselves in games and laughter. Provide many opportunities for your congregation to enjoy themselves. Send your members to church camp! You will be creating creative people. Creative people create creative ministries.
12 Dec 2011

Empowering the Church to Take Risks

Change in the Church is painstakingly slow. When things are going well, there is no need for change. When times are challenged, as they are today, the need for change is shouted from the pulpit.

The Church really wants things to stay the same. This is just as true at the denominational level as at the parish level. We all long for the day when 100 or more people came together on Sunday morning and put their offerings together to pay for one pastor’s leadership. We called this the “viable” congregation.

Church became more expensive as the costs of maintaining property and professional compensation packages began to rise at the same time attendance began to drop.

It is the collapse of this economic model that inspires the cry for “Change!” Otherwise, we’d be doing ministry the same old way. In fact, we are! Change is demanded in theory, but discouraged in practice.

The wall standing between the Church and the future is its past. Congregations are first judged by their ability to meet the needs of an outdated economic model before they can implement any change.  And so things slowly grow worse.

At one of our Ambassador visits, a pleasant young lady gave a report to the congregation on her first visit to a Synod Assembly (the annual business meeting of all congregations in the synod). She was in obvious awe of her experience and made a spirited presentation. She was especially impressed with meeting the bishop, whom she described as “the person who makes it all happen.”

She is wrong. It is not the bishop who makes ministry happen. Fueled by the Holy Spirit, it is the people in the congregation — the people who risk their time, talent, faith and resources to serve their Church. If they are lucky, they have good professional leaders to serve them, but many congregations today toil to provide the same basic ministries to their communities with much less professional commitment then they had in the past.

The denominational answer to the challenge is to attempt to manage change from afar. This is a failing proposition as evidenced by the number of church closings that result.

Strapped for cash, leaders are tempted to examine neighborhood ministries for signs of failure that might justify seizing congregational assets. Small churches find themselves planning their future with their eyes constantly glancing over their shoulders.

Unfortunately, protecting financial and property assets has become the overriding mission of the Church. We are forgetting that the will and spirit of the faithful are also resources to be protected.

Congregations must be empowered.

A better approach would be to create an atmosphere that ENCOURAGED risk taking and SUPPORTED and REWARDED new initiatives. But the congregational outposts that have the most potential for encouraging growth, are given only platitudes. Encourage multicultural ministry. Discourage bullying. Etc.

Good ideas! How?

The Need to Take Risks

The Church faces other problems as well — some economic, some societal, some theological. None can be effectively addressed without risk.

2×2 addresses some of these problems in our virtual ministry, just as we once did when we had physical resources — which were seized by our denomination, just as we were beginning to make significant progress.

Our experience gives our sister congregations reason to fear.

The Church must acknowledge that the economy has made ministry difficult. This does not mean ministry must end. It means resources must be spent differently with ministry as its goal.

The problem is not going to be solved with caretaker ministries and forced church closings, which do nothing but reward the hierarchy at considerable cost to the community of believers.

The standard approach of the church to any significant challenge is to acknowledge it and pray. And often that’s where the problems stay — in our thoughts and prayers. Action does not follow.

Change will not happen without individual congregations sticking out their necks and trying new ideas. New ideas cost money. Congregations must be free to use their resources without fear of denominational interference. A few failures can be expected before results begin to show.

This is a foundation of Lutheran polity. We must be free to Act Boldly.

09 Dec 2011

One Important Question for Church Bloggers to Remember

We live in a world of big box stores that are as likely to have security guards standing at the door as “welcomers.” But it wasn’t so very long ago that the typical shopping experience was much more personal.

You would walk through a shop door and a clerk behind a counter or perhaps stocking shelves would look up and say, “Good morning. How can I help you today?”

This is a great question. It is different than a shorter “Can I help you?” or a brusk “What do you want?” which both sound a bit like your visit is an interruption.

The phrasing is actually important. “How can I help you today?” defines the role of the shopworker and lays the foundation of the transaction that is about to follow. The shopworker is the servant. The shop visitor is there to be served. Furthermore, it prompts the customer to define his or her expectations and opens the door to new possibilities.

There is also an immediacy to the question. “How can I help you today?” implies the desire to drop everything and care for the customer’s needs at the moment. The shopworker is reminded of his mission every time he or she asks the question.

How does this relate to blogging? There is no customer standing in front of you.

Blogging is hard work. It can be solitary work when you are trying to find a topic of interest. It is extremely common for bloggers to burn out after a few months. You will face dry spells. You will struggle at times to find direction. But it helps to remember that when your fingers hit the keyboard, you are initiating a transaction with your readers.

Remembering to ask this question will help. Write it on an index card. Tape it to the side of your computer screen. “How can I help you today?”

An image of your audience may begin to form in your mind. You may start to imagine them at work in their lives.

Soon other questions will follow: What information are they looking for? What questions do they have that I am qualified to address? How can I make their day better or their work easier? Do they know God? How can I help them know Jesus?

Come to think — this is a pretty good question for all Christians to ask themselves as they gulp down their morning coffee.

08 Dec 2011

How to Choose A Community Manager for Your Congregation

Community Manager? What’s that?

Community Managers coordinate the various Social Media used by your church, whether it be the blog, Facebook, Twitter or the web site. It’s a new job description even within the corporate world. Churches using the internet will need to address this new societal role as well. Within a decade, this may be one of the standard church positions along with pastor, sexton, music director, organist, or youth leader.

Social Media is a powerful ministry tool which must be managed to be effective. It is not enough to simply advertise that you are on the web or have a Facebook page. These are tools that must be used in real time!

Our Ambassadors have explored the Facebook presence of a number of churches we visited. Most have very little interaction on their Facebook pages. We were surprised to see that one of the smallest churches had a much higher “edge rank” than larger churches. It was not surprising to us that this church had impressed us with their connectedness to their neighborhood even before we saw their internet stats.

In contrast, a denominational internet presence can reveal very little interaction with readers — typically a few posts in the months after the site was announced and not much but announcements from the denomination since.

We are all learning to use this new tool.

As you develop your internet usage, think about the day when you might need someone to coordinate  things. Social Media must be managed. It is a role which is important enough to fund and can promise a measurable return on investment (to borrow a business term).

  • A Community Manager must be a social person. Look for a person who would be interacting with members and visitors even without the internet.
  • A Community Manager must have good communication skills. He or she will be writing a lot and the ability to express your church values clearly and accurately is paramount.
  • A Community Manager must be nice. People won’t interact with an authoritarian, judgmental, didactic or sarcastic moderator. The church forum is not a place to show cleverness but concern.
  • A Community Manager must care and be prepared to act on their concern. If people pose a problem to your church on its internet forums, they are looking for more than offers of prayer. A Community Manager must be prepared to channel important inquiries to appropriate leaders for action. Some action must be taken or your internet presence will become dormant.
  • A Community Manager must be able to work with many people. The information gleaned from the internet must be channeled to others.
  • A Community Manager must be flexible. This is territory where the best planning can go out the window at any time. Planning is important, but the ability to respond to the realities of the present is also vital.
  • A Community Manager must like technology. They don’t have to come into the role as an expert on all the resources and techniques available (no one in this field knows it all!), but they must embrace learning, be willing to become engaged with online experts and communities and adapt as things change…and that is often! They must be willing to try ideas an honestly measure their effect. They cannot be tied to one medium. Facebook might work best with one community. Twitter might be more effective in another. Blogging might work with all.
  • A Community Manager must reflect the values of your church.  He or she may be the first person outsiders come to know. Of course, every member is a face of the church, but the Community Manager will be in the spotlight.
07 Dec 2011

Small Churches Can Reach Out to Unaccompanied Children

Our Ambassador visits have revealed some stereo-types of small churches. We heard some professional leaders referring to them mockingly as “old-folks homes.”

Offensive as this terminology is — some congregations are aging. Unfortunately, leadership mindset sees this as the end of ministry. Pastors adopt, sometimes with the encouragement of denominational leadership, a caretaker approach to serving. There are no plans for growing the church or any reason to look for mission opportunity. They are playing a waiting game.

It may be up to the laity to turn things around.

Our ambassadors have seen some small, aging churches making the transition to becoming welcoming places for families and children. They invariably have only supply pastors or part-time professional leadership. Imagine what might happen if the leadership saw this as a door opening for ministry.

Our own church made this transition and grew from a church of seniors to a church of young families.

Our transition began when we noticed a number of children returning week after week without parents. At first a couple of girls (about aged 10) came and sat in the front row. After a few weeks, they brought an older brother (about 12). Soon they started bringing younger children.

We weren’t prepared to deal with this. That’s not the way church works! Parents bring their children to Church and Sunday School.

Things have changed!

We have noticed some similarities in other churches we visited. The early focus of our visits was the urban church. In cities, children pass the church as they walk home from school. Curiosity brings them back. Yes, their parents should accompany them. But children are playing the cards they have been dealt. They may come from homes with only one over-taxed parent. The parent may know the children have gone to church and consider it baby-sitting, or the parent may be at work unaware of that their children have turned off the TV and wandered out on their own. In the worst case, the parents may not care. In that case, the church must not turn their backs on the children because they have arrived on their doorstep in an unconventional way. Small churches with aging memberships can be particularly attractive to children who are seeking.

Young children have some things in common with older folks. They are crossing paths in life. Children are dependent growing into independence and older folks are independent growing into dependency. Young children often like the attention of seniors who can understand them in a way their parents don’t. They have time for them when their parents are preoccupied. It is validating to seniors.

Congregations can see this as a nuisance that must curtailed, or they can see it as outreach coming to them.

There are good reasons to discourage unaccompanied children.

  • They do not contribute to the offering.
  • They do not behave.
  • They are lively, energetic and strong and may seem threatening to the frail.
  • They may be there only only for donuts at fellowship.
  • Raising them is the responsibility of the parents.

Or

  • They may, in their own ways, be seeking.
  • They may enjoy the music.
  • Older children (as young as 11 or 12) may have been left in charge of yournger siblings and are following an instinct to parent them.
  • They might might feel part of a family of God when their own family is dysfunctional.
  • Raising them is the responsibility of the community of God.

Here are some first steps to take when children start coming to church by themselves.

  • Make sure an adult sits nearby, perhaps in the pew behind them.
  • Teach the church service. Pastors can give a brief explanation as your worship moves along. The adult sitting near them can whisper in their ears. “We are now going to stand to honor the reading of the Gospel that tells us about the life of Jesus Christ.”
  • Engage the children in conversation. Find out where they live and who their parents are.
  • Plan to visit their homes with the pastor. You may be hitting a brick wall, but you may find a parent receptive to help. At the very least, the parents should know with whom their children spend Sunday mornings.
  • Pray for them. Assign each child to an adult as a prayer partner. Engage the children in the prayer if possible, but they don’t need to know you are praying for them!
06 Dec 2011